Don’t Be Too Shy to Ask for What You Want in Your Relationship

angry coupleRelationship experts agree, healthy communication is needed if a couple plans to create a strong foundation for their partnership. And, is always recommended when we discuss family finances, when we disagree, and as we’re planning for the future. As a bolder sister, you should be able to make requests and verbalize what’s on your mind. In addition to the general topics we discuss, there’s also a category of conversation that may seem a little sensitive or awkward to bring up, but nonetheless needs to be shared. If you want a relationship that honors you and feels right, you have to be willing to ask for you want.

Subjects like lackluster sex, neglected household chores, a partner who doesn’t listen, and losing interest in your spouse, all fall under that category. Although, they are necessary to disclose, they are very difficult to mention. Below are suggestions on how to broach each of these discussions boldly and move forward as a couple.

Lackluster Sex might be the hardest to talk about, but if not resolved can have the greatest impact on a marriage. We feel as though having this conversation is placing all the blame on our partner and may affect their confidence. But here’s the truth, it takes two to tango. Lackluster sex falls on the shoulders of both individuals. Couples have to be vocal about what pleases them and be willing to bring new ideas into the bedroom. There are books and apps that provide ideas on sexual positions and on the best ways to stimulate our partners. We must first be willing to admit that the sex could be better. Next, we can show our partner one of those new positions and simply say, in the sexiest of tones, “I would really enjoy if we tried this one tonight”.

Neglected household chores can be very frustrating. We might feel like we’re making the same request over and over again. A great way to approach this subject, if there are children in the home, is to say “We really have to make sure we’re showing the children the proper way to manage a household. The truth is the children will be on their own one day, and they have to know how to cook and clean and care for themselves. This lesson begins at home”. If there aren’t any children in the home, you still want to express how great it feels to come home to a clean space. The more often that home is clean, the more time you can spend together.

A partner who doesn’t listen can raise all kinds of hell in a relationship. You’re probably thinking how can you have a conversation with a person who already doesn’t listen. It’s always about the approach. Sometimes people don’t listen because of the way the information is being delivered. People are quick to tune out talks that place blame on them, or makes them feel guilty about something. If that has been your approach, it has to change. Finding peaceful ways to communicate your dislikes should be the goal. This conversation should always begin with “I would love if we could…” Or “When we don’t do _______, I feel _____”. Make sure to use words like “we” and “I” and minimize the use of the word “You”. It feels less like finger pointing.

Losing interest in a partner can feel all kinds of funky. But just because that feeling exists doesn’t necessarily mean the marriage is going to end. Couples experience rough seasons all the time, and can overcome it. It may be more about boredom, than losing interest. When this situation occurs, we have to bring energy back to the relationship. Recalling the times when the relationship was at its best might be needed. Asking your partner to do certain things, or wear items that get you excited are also helpful. This conversation can always begin with “Remember when we use to cook together, or take those quick weekend trips? I was hoping we could do that this weekend?” Bringing spontaneity back and having fun is going to be key.

Please keep in mind, there are always consequences for not addressing even the most awkward of situations. Always do what’s best for your relationship, and talking about it is definitely one of them.

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