Why Loving YOU has To Come Before Loving A Potential Mate

leah_beautiful_black_27303_oRecently, I have begun coaching women on the power of boldness. We’re traveling on a 4-week journey that has been quite eye-opening. Taking a deeper look into what makes us, us has been the central focus. These women are beginning to realize how the beliefs they’ve held about themselves are having an impact on how they love. People aren’t always able to make the connection. Those ideas from childhood, our inner struggles and a lack of self-love are the major reasons most relationships fail. It’s impossible to love someone else properly when you aren’t exactly sure what love looks and feels like. If you spend time tearing yourself down, what do you really know about building someone else up? If you aren’t kind or gentle with your own self-talk, how can you do the same for a significant other?

Loving ourselves has to happen before we can bring the best of ourselves to a relationship. Expressing love for yourself shows up in a variety of ways, let’s examine a few and how they benefit a relationship.

Positive affirmations empower us. We must create a healthy habit of frequently reminding ourselves of just how amazing we are. My favorite scripture is Philippians 4:13, “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me” because it renews my sense of self-love and confidence. If I believe I can do all things, this includes being an awesome wife and mother. Having that belief in myself decreases the chances of my needing validation from someone else. Expecting a partner to complete you and constantly validate you is unrealistic. Affirming yourself builds your character and confidence and ultimately makes you easier to love.

Asking for what you need instead of suffering in silence is a perfect way to demonstrate self-love. Those who struggle in this area are quiet, can’t quite express themselves and are willing to accept any old kind of behavior from anyone. The more vocal you are (in a loving or professional way) the more likely you are to have the relationships and opportunities you desire. In a relationship, your partner is even more likely to meet your needs when they are clear on what they are. Be honest and always love yourself enough to tell the truth.

Spending quality time alone also has its advantages. Something special usually happens when I spend time alone in meditation. New ideas for my business and blog as well as thoughts on  self-improvements are a few items that typically surface when I’m alone. We have to not only be okay with, but actually seek, moments of solitude. Having separate hobbies and carving out “me-time” is healthy for any relationship.

Self-love is the greatest gift you can give to yourself and your relationship. The better you love you, the greater your love for your partner will become.

Bolder Sisters, what are some ways you demonstrate self-love?

One thought on “Why Loving YOU has To Come Before Loving A Potential Mate

  1. I’m going to steal your ‘affirmation’ …’I can do all things through Christ….’ I try to demonstrate self love by way of ‘solitude’. I take my ‘me’ time seriously by doing all the ‘girly’ things alone..doing my own eyelashes/eyebrows, my own mani/pedis, practicing make-up colors (lipsticks, eyeshadows, etc..I just find that doing all that during my ‘me’ time is fun and I feel like I’m ‘loving’ on me!

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