5 Types of Mates You’ll Attract When You Don’t Love Yourself Enough

grownzoneimageThis post is part of Loving in the Grown Zone Blog Tour which I am delighted to be a part of along with many other inspiring bloggers across the globe. To learn more and to join us as we change the conversation about healthy love, CLICK HERE!

I’m known for advising my friends on dating. I am always quick to share that it should be fun, before anything else. Everyone you meet isn’t necessarily spouse material, and that’s okay. But you’re supposed to learn that through dating, right? It’s the get to know you phase. You should be asking questions, being honest about your relationship needs and your expectations for your future. As you learn the other person’s likes and dislikes, you should be comparing them to yours. In order to make that comparison, you need to know you. Knowing you means you’re aware of and accepting of your strengths as well as your flaws.

When you don’t accept and love yourself enough, you’re putting yourself in a position to receive any old type of relationships. Not honoring yourself, opens doors for men who aren’t worthy enough to walk right in and take a seat in your life. When I was dating, I seemed to attract a few men who didn’t know how to love me. I stayed in some of those relationships, because the one I had with myself was weak and broken. Back then, I didn’t love myself enough to know better. The moment I recognized my worth, that I was a child of God (He makes no mistakes by the way), and how amazing I really was, I was able to walk away and choose a relationship and marriage that reflected the love I began to have for myself. Sisters, it took a while for me to begin this self-love affair, but it feels good to finally be arriving to this place.

Bolder Sisters, you know you deserve a healthy, grown up kind of love, right? This goal only comes with truly loving all of who you are!  When you don’t, here are 5 types of  mates you just might attract.

The obsessive one naturally takes charge of the relationship and places demands on you, that may not connect with who you are. This man’s goal may be to make you feel as though you need him to be happy. Having a real love relationship with yourself, reminds you that you are the only person truly responsible for your happiness.

The disrespecting one will treat you as though you don’t matter. If you think you don’t matter, sister, stop reading right now, sit down and write down 10 amazing things about yourself. Know that you are an amazing child of God who is capable of achieving a healthy love that respects the woman you are.

The cheating one is use to dating multiple women and plays on insecurities. Spending time alone, embracing the woman you are, and displaying your confidence to the world, will only attract those mates who are ready to love a woman like you.

The not-so-into-you one shows up occasionally and may be fun to spend time with, but if they seem as though they can take you or leave you, leave them! Don’t settle for anything less than you deserve. You are worthy of the best that life has to offer. Own that! You must walk, talk and act like you are worthy!

The very little effort one doesn’t feel as though they have to do very much to be in a relationship with you. Especially if you don’t have expectations of how you should be treated. Not knowing what you desire in a mate will allow you to accept some of any and everything, from anyone.

Bolder Sisters, when you don’t know how to love you, no one else will. Use your time of dating to uncover who you are and all the reasons why you are worthy of an honest and healthy love.

Bolder Sisters, what do you love most about yourself today and what type of partner do you hope to attract?  


Zara D. Green and Alfred Edmond Jr. are co-principals of A2Z Personal Growth Enterprises, producer of The Grown Zone discussion series and related media properties. The couple leads sessions on personal growth, self-love and resiliency, healthy relationships and “Grown” decision-making via online and live events across the country. They know this book is changing the conversation about healthy love. You can grab your copy HERE.

3 thoughts on “5 Types of Mates You’ll Attract When You Don’t Love Yourself Enough

  1. What I love most about myself TODAY is that I can walk away from a situation a lot quicker if there are more bad times than good times. In the past i would, regardless of how unhappy i was, hang in there just for the sake of that male companionship.
    I hope to attract a partner who simply respects all of me (i.e. my heart, my efforts, my time, etc.). I think everything else will fall right into place when that respect is there.

  2. Wow! I’ve been with all of those guys! Today, however, I’m more aware of who I am as a person and woman. the value that I have for myself is a lot higher than it’s ever been. The partner I hope to attract will love himself and REALLY know what that means so he can love and respect the qualities I have to offer him. A man who doesn’t honor himself has nothing to offer me.

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