A few months ago I wrote an article for married folks, on BMWK, highlighting a few behaviors that were unacceptable in a marriage. I enjoyed the responses and understood that most of the readers felt the tips were common sense. One of the responses really stood out as this individual stated that common sense wasn’t really all that common and we sometimes have to be reminded of certain things. This week I wanted to shift my focus just a bit and target my single sisters.
Seeking love and commitment can be challenging as well as rewarding. Challenging because we have to kiss a few frogs before we actually locate our prince. Rewarding because dating is an opportunity for discovery and should be enjoyable.
Just as I shared in the article on marriage, I strongly believe there are specific temptations and situations single folks must also avoid. Although these too might seem common, we’ll use them as reminders. Please allow me to share just a few of them with you.
Single folks shouldn’t…
Pursue someone who is unavailable. A married man is simply not in a position to give you the love, time and commitment you deserve. Why cheat yourself out of the happiness you are worthy of receiving? This includes the married but separated as well as those who have a girlfriend. Someone who is willing to cheat with you will definitely cheat on you. Unfaithfulness is a character flaw that we shouldn’t desire in a potential mate. A person who cheats on their partner is capable of lying, being disrespectful, and is quite frankly selfish. Why in the world would anyone want to build a life with this type of person.
Not enjoy the journey. Too often single folks worry so much about finding that special someone they forget to enjoy the life they are living at the moment. Life should never be put on hold because you’re single. It is even more of an opportunity to be spontaneous and check off some items from your bucket list. A partner will not define you, nor will he complete you. When you do settle down, you want to enter into that relationship already complete, loving who you are.
Settle or compromise on their core values. It’s true, in a relationship sacrifices will need to be made. There are, however, certain areas of our lives we should hold dear. Our core beliefs, those that make us who we are, should never be compromised. A person who asks us to give up something or challenges us in a way that alters who we are, really isn’t worthy of our love. Listening to your intuition is key. If it feels all wrong, it usually is.
Question why they are still single. There is nothing wrong with you. You are in this particular place and space for a reason. I believe there is purpose in everything that occurs in this life. If you are still single, examine relationships past, look for common themes and anything that no longer works for you, be willing to make some changes. Otherwise embrace who and where you are at this moment. Your being single could represent a few positive things, like you weren’t willing to compromise who you are.
There are behaviors and actions that simply don’t serve us well. Some cause damage and destruction to our lives. Others bring joy and happiness. The focus has to shift more toward that joy. Being wise with the choices we make is the beginning of self-love. Honoring who we are with our actions shows the world just how amazing we are, whether we’re single or not.
Single Bolder Sisters, how are you embracing and enjoying your singleness?