Ladies, Do We Need a “Girl” Code?

Friends girlsI loved a Facebook video posted by Tony Gaskins Jr., Life Coach and Author of The New Guy Code. He titles it “Hotel Chronicles” as he is sharing his views from his hotel room. In this video, Tony advises us to basically man and woman up.

He first sheds light on manhood, fatherhood and husbandhood. His suggestions of being the example we want our children to become is the same message I’ve been spreading since I became a parent. His advice to husbands on being faithful to their wives, while treating her like she’s the only woman in this world, was also on point. However, what spoke to me the loudest was the idea of a “woman/lady code”.

Tony pointed out the competition between women and questioned why there wasn’t more of a sisterhood. Again, an idea I’ve struggled with throughout my teens and well into my adult years.  I’ve always wondered why, overall, women appeared to be unable to foster stronger relationships with one another.  Naturally, the ratio of men to women has a significant impact as the majority of women pretty much desire the same thing, to be loved. Even with that, we aren’t entitled to purposely mistreat one another.

What I’ve found in my life is that the more loving and supportive I am to others the more I receive in return. People don’t often realize how much they block their own blessings whenever the intention becomes wounding someone else.  We are selfish as a society. Our priority is to “get ours” with little focus on the casualties along the way. Whether it’s someone else’s husband, fiance or boyfriend, there has been little regard for family. No good will ever come from destructive behaviors, despite how amazing it might feel in the moment.

To the overall point Gaskins made in his video, I would love to experience a “girl code” with other bolder women. An understanding of the actions we as women should no longer display toward one another. Here’s what I’d like to see in our “Girl Code”:

Women praying for one another. Prayer changes everything. Whenever we see another sister struggling, let’s replace the gossip with prayer.

Women complimenting one another. We should be able to say, without any hesitation, how fabulous another woman looks.

Women no longer beginning intimate relationships with men in committed relationships. Every woman is deserving of a love all her own. Even if it seems as though its taking a little longer than expected, we should still love ourselves enough to know we don’t need to share a man with anyone.

Women having each other’s back. We should constantly share ideas and resources. Our goal needs to shift from thinking of self to building up community.

Women supporting each other’s businesses. Since we already compete with men in Corporate America, we shouldn’t also compete with one another. Women are innovative, resourceful and driven. Why not use those talents for good. We need allies in the workplace, why wouldn’t it be another bolder sister who truly understands our career challenges.

Our “Girl Code” should empower each of us to reach well beyond our potential. Can you imagine the impact on future generations if women today had an understanding that loving and encouraging one another was the collective goal?

Bolder Sisters, what would you add to the “Girl Code”.

4 thoughts on “Ladies, Do We Need a “Girl” Code?

  1. Tiya, this article is one that should be shouted from the rooftops! Adherence to such codes fosters honor and self respect among us women. Growing up with 3 sisters, our code was to NEVER date each other’s ex boyfriends. Same with our girlfriends. We need a “girl” code absolutely!!

  2. Tiya, you were on point with the suggested codes! They are all very much needed, especially amongst African American women.

  3. I completely concur! In fact, Sophia Angeli Nelson has a really good book out called the Woman Code that discusses these very things. We need to have a code of conduct in which we stand united. Otherwise, we will continue to fall divided and broken as ever.

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