Being Married Won’t Heal You And Living Single Won’t Kill You

IMG_0803This quote is frequently delivered by one of my dearest single friends who completely embraces her singleness. She usually shares this quote during conversations with other singles. I use to think this statement was an attempt to insult those of us who were married; to generate a lack of confidence in marriage. But as I paid closer attention, I recognized it was clearly to motivate those who had been seeking marriage for the wrong reasons as well as those who found it simply unpleasant being single. In my friend’s experience she has witnessed women and men alike who have a deep desire to be married, with the belief that it will ease every one of their worries, solve each problem and completely fill the void they are experiencing.

I have also encountered singles who place so much emphasis on the idea of being married they are willing to settle for those they realize will not contribute to their happiness or those they aren’t truly compatible with all for the sake of calling someone husband or wife. I’ve also witnessed people leave a potentially great relationship after only a short time because the other person wasn’t on their same marriage timeline.

For this reason, I make every effort to be completely honest whenever I discuss marriage. I share the joys as well as the challenges we face within this level of a committed relationship. I do believe singles greatly benefit in hearing that it is not always as easy as it appears from the outside looking in. It requires frequent sacrifice and commitment. Marriage is more than the word it is an everyday action.

Living Single Won’t Kill You!
I truly believe in enjoying the journey that ultimately leads to the desired goal. There is usually a lesson to be learned and also a blessing as a result of being in that place at that time. Singles can enjoy singleness as they prepare to share their life with someone. A potential partner is usually attracted to the confidence that shows a person is not willing to settle for just anyone. It’s all right to have standards and stick to them. Even during my own singleness, I knew I was going to experience a few frogs before I met my prince, though I thought a couple of them may have been “The One”. What I learned is that it isn’t my plan but God’s plan. I am so grateful that I didn’t rush anything with those I knew, without a shadow of a doubt, weren’t the ones. We all receive signs. Our intuition warns us yet sometimes we ignore it and end up in a relationship we regret. Patience and faith keeps us still while we wait. Pursuing personal goals and taking care of ourselves during this season of singleness better prepares us to be that helpmate our future spouse is seeking.

Being Married Won’t Heal You!
If someone is seeking a spouse for this reason only, forget it! That isn’t the purpose of marriage. It should positively contribute to what we already have going on in our life. Marriage should compliment us, not complete or finish us or even be solely responsible for all of our happiness. This is just too much responsibility to put on another person. The strongest marriages survive because each partner is realistic in their expectations of their spouse. Healthy unions recognize the importance of giving, with each partner making the other a priority. While it will not heal you, if the foundation is built correctly from the start, it will completely love, comfort and support you.

I absolutely love being married, but I had to get rid of baggage to get to the place we are in now. If I had to do it again, of course I would choose marriage, but I would have chosen the way I handled my singleness a little different. I would have made sure I was preparing myself to be the person I needed to be to create a successful marriage. I thank God I get it now. Being single, gives a person the perfect opportunity to learn, grow and plan, so when that mate arrives, they are ready to receive them.

Bolder Sisters, what are you doing during your singleness to better prepare you for marriage?

2 thoughts on “Being Married Won’t Heal You And Living Single Won’t Kill You

  1. Another great piece of work! During my singleness, I have discovered I don’t have to settle because I don’t have ‘age’ on my side anymore. Yes there are lonely moments but settling can leave me even lonelier in the end. I am preparing myself by STAYING true to what I WANT and will NOT accept in a mate just for the sake of having one. P. S. nice picture with this article!

    1. Thank you Yolonda! I agree, you don’t have to settle or lose who you are just for the sake of being in a relationship. Thanks for your comment. Yes, this is one of my favorite pictures, I hope the ladies don’t mind 🙂

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